REALLY!?! The Chemo Edition*

I'd like to introduce a new segment to this here blog o'nonsense:

Except instead of Seth & Amy, it's just li'l ol' sugar-mouthed me. So here goes:

Chemo comes with a rainbow of side effects. Any friggin five year old can tell you that. There's the nausea and the trots and the funny taste in your mouth and the hair loss (or "thinning" as they say in my case) and the fatigue and the fun of having something called a PowerPort implanted into your chest and the exquisite cold sensitivity which must be a BITCH if you're getting treatment in the wintertime and the absurd fact that my skin is so photosensitive that standing in a thunderstorm for five minutes could result in a nasty sunburn, but the most recent side effect, the one that no one told me about?

It hurts to cry. As in, when the tears start to flow, my eyes clench in pain.

REALLY!?! I am always on the brink of tears. Every day. In the car, on the couch, at the store, walking, eating, sleeping, breathing.

Don't get me wrong--most of the time I'm pretty chipper, but my emotional fuse is about thisshort and the slightest thing can trigger the waterworks. Before cancer, I was a robot. Now, I'm a sponge-faced pantywaist.

As it turns out, I'm totally fine with that. I'm secure enough in my shit these days to cry in front of anyone and everyone (I also have little control over these things, so it's either be comfortable with it or never leave the house).

But now letting those emotions out just causes me further discomfort and distress?! Really!?! GAH.

*Yes, I know I'm overdoing it with the "Blahblah, The Such-and-Such Edition" thing.

Oh, and apropos of the delightful Amy Poehler--who is totally preggo with GOB's baby--I went on a mom date with my GF down the street last night to see Baby Mama and it was hi-larious, although I think the fact that I have pushed a person out of my body helped with the humor.


Ed said...

Wow. That's a new one on me, that whole hurts-to-cry part. Like you needed that on top of everything.

Let me know if you want to hear about other peripheral neuropathetic pains... I had one that the docs had never heard before.

Have I told you that I love to read your blog? Never a dull moment here. :)

hh said...

robot??? don't get me wrong - you've always been tough - and you still are. but you were not a robot - if you got a big enough crack in your ultra-FKN armor then you could temporarily turn into a sponge-faced pantywaist with the best of us. give yourself some more credit - you were as human then as you are now...

but i am very sorry to hear about the discomfort with the waterworks - i find the best thing about a good breakdown is the comfort it brings. that sucks.

Sugarmouth O'Riordan said...

Ed--I'm probably better off staying in the dark on what other funhouse fun awaits me. :)

HH--Shh! You never saw me get emotionally unstable in college! NEVAR!!!! ;)

Ed said...

OK on keeping you in the dark... though I hope you should feel comfortable contacting me about this peripheral crap (including the side effects of the drugs that are controlling the side effects of the chemo). If you don't want to do that publicly, you can email me at: kejman@fastmail.fm.

Jus' tryin' to hep out here...


Tricia said...

On top of everything else; that's really tough, I'm sorry.

On the up side, I think you've got the makings of a great (bad) country-western song:

It hurts, it hurts so much to cry.
The pain that I feel when tears leak out my eye...

Okay, maybe not.

meg said...

yea, baby mama....that one is on my radar!! They were play the sound bite on the radio where she says "i'm sorry i farted in your purse" just when i am pulling into the drive at work. makes me laugh. amy poehler is a genius. keep laughing sister. oh, p.p.s. it was so great to see you, too....and your beautiful family. i am counting the days until we can do it again!!