Chemo is a Hell of a Drug

...and not just because it gets all medieval on cancer (let's hope, anyhow), but because I went from feeling like I'd been hit by a mack truck last night to feeling just about normal today. I mean sure, I still have the cold sensitivity (I'm never going to burn through my Jamba Juice gift card at this rate!) and the heartburn is getting old, but the energy level is good, the appetite is decent, and I'm in the right headspace to drink beverages.

Think about that a second--cancer and my treatment for it is so deeply ingrained in my so called life that it actually affects my attitude towards imbibing, and I'm not even talking alcohol! I actually have to psych myself up to drink something as mundane as a glass of water, and only partly because I have to microwave it. Which is funny because we're getting ours replaced today, so no nuking of bevvies for me or the wee babe until the shiny new one is installed.

So what's been going on...well, the weekend was pretty low-key (see: chemo) but we did roll out for the traditional neighborhood gathering that occurs on the Monday evening of every summer holiday. We brought roasted asparagus (drizzle liberally with olive oil, season with S&P, then cook @ 350° for 15 mins) which seemed to be well received because the cupcakes I also made were a total disaster.

Fortunately, my appetite was cooperating and there was a fantastic assortment of veggie offerings (personal fave: asian slaw. Mmm...rice wine vinegar...), so I ate my face off. I paid for it a bit later, but Oscar can kiss my nonfunctioning ass.

I guess I'm still trying to get the hang of the cycles of my chemo treatments--what days I'll feel good, not so much, etc. I mean, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me that I should get infused on a Thursday, the 5FU pack taken off Saturday afternoon, feel decent Monday, then steamrolled on Tuesday, especially when that's a day care day for little miss, thereby giving me a much-needed break.

Maybe self-care (which doesn't happen on a daily basis anymore, sorry to ruin anyone's pristine image of yours truly) takes more out of me than I give myself credit for? Maybe the weekend had caught up with me?

Or maybe it was all the probing and personal questions I answered during the telephone interview portion of a research study I'm participating in that ground me down. Questions like "Do you feel less feminine? Are you dissatisfied with your body? Do you feel like you aren't as worthwhile as other people?" tend to have a "Now that you mention it..." effect on those of us who are susceptible to depressive episodes.

BUT. Today is a new day, the sun is shining (and there's actually some heat to go with it), I'm sitting in my yard with my sweet babe yapping and frolicking away in her pack 'n play, and I've got one good week until Sisyphus has to roll the chemo boulder up the hill again.


Tricia said...

Glad you're feeling a bit better today.

Do you have a means to provide feedback about that survey? Sounds like it's really poorly written - everyone is susceptible to the "now that you mention it effect" (I may be getting my program evaluation terms mixed up, but I think it's a variation of the Hawthorne effect http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hawthorne_effect).

Anyway, hang in there and enjoy the week.

Sugarmouth O'Riordan said...

You know, I was wondering about if something like that existed...I mean as the interviewer mechanically asked more and more personal questions (and probably saw me as nothing more than something to check off of her day's to do list), I started to wonder about the validity of the study. I mean, I know they're legit since they're listed at clinicaltrials.gov, but some of the questions just broke me down...blargh.