I Guess Sometimes an Answer is Better Than A Big Question Mark

So, after some heavy spotting last week, my onc suggested I see my OB/GYN for a check-up.

Today, I called in to get my lab results...

Good news: The endometrium biopsy was negative for anything bad.

Bad news: My FSH levels were elevated (30.8, normal is 3-20, levels above 10-12 indicate ovarian failure), meaning I'm officially perimenopausal, meaning I'll be permanently retiring my babymaker.

I've had 6+ months to get used to the idea that I was done bearing children, but I really hadn't given much thought to the whole menopause potential part of the cancer treatment equation, so I'm taking this news as best I can, which is to say not all that well. It feels like there is someone standing on my chest.

Fucking shit.

To add insult to injury, there are ants in my baking cupboard.

Addendum: I may be reacting too hastily as I will want to get retested at 3 and possibly 6 months post chemo, so nothing is written in stone as yet, but better to be prepared for bad news and be surprised with good news, right?

And in other news, I totally nuked the ants. Nothing toxic, just brute force and some vinegar.


Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to hear this news. Even though you've had time to adjust to the idea, it doesn't make this any less sad and upsetting.

I'm wishing you a day of easyness on all fronts,


Anonymous said...

fucking ants.
sorry B. I really am.

Ed said...


Sorry to hear this rotten news. So very sorry.

Have you ever tried serving the ants a mixture of boric acid in sugar water? We whomp up a batch o' the stuff, stuff a paper towel into an old cat food can, soak the paper towel with the mixture, and put the can in the line of ants. They surprisingly quickly discover the sugar water and suck it up (with a little of the boric acid) to deliver it to the nest/queen/baby ants. Voila - self extermination as the boric acid eats their insides enough to cause them to die. [Sometimes we need to nuke part of the ant trail so they get confused and mill around to find the cat food can.]

Hope that ant-fighting tip helps in just the tiniest of ways. I felt so incredibly rotten when my wife and I discovered that baby-making the natural way would never work for us. We are a family by adoption, and it is a wonderful thing.

Ellen said...

This just sucks.

Sugarmouth O'Riordan said...

Thanks guys. I haven't abandoned all hope--it was probably a bad idea to get labs drawn in the middle of chemo to begin with--but this might be the thing to get my head wrapped around the probable possibility of things...

Ed--Re: adoption, did you guys adopt pre- or post-diagnosis? I've given some thought to adoption but haven't done any research and am concerned that my being A Cancer Patient will make us ineligible for adopting kids in the future... :(

Ed said...


We adopted prior to any cancer diagnosis. But that is just a timing thing. There are oh-so-many wonderful kids out there that need a loving home. Your having survived cancer should not be a limiting factor for you, especially since you have added bonuses (a committed spouse and a first child). The parameters/guidelines for adoption vary by state and by agency within a state, but if you are energetic and committed it will work out.

If you would like to discuss more about this (detail or experiences), and want to do so outside this blog, you can email me at "kejman (at) fastmail.fm" (where you replace the " (at) " in the line with the "@" symbol).

You ARE eligible.