Giving Bizarro Thanks

Today, my body is grateful for:

• Putting on a good 5lbs in the last few weeks. Hopefully there's a little muscle in there floating among all the coffee oreo milkshakes I've had (I've been lifting weights ever other day for several weeks now).
• Getting a nice, fat zit right in the PMS zone on my chin, just right of center. I would give my eye teeth for another 10 years of mood swings, cravings, cramps, and inconvenience.

Hey 16-year-old Sugarmouth: Did you ever think you'd be so glad to gain weight, for your skin to break out, for the irregular imposition of the monthlies, and the simple fact of being able to take a shit?