Whether it's claimed a person from my GI support group at the hospital or someone I only knew from an online distance, it's always at the periphery, milling around, clearing its throat, ensuring that I don't forget.
Someone way more philosophically mature than me once said that we should all live as though we are already dead, as that enhances the realness of each moment we spend on earth. I am not sure how to do that, especially with kids, but there you have it. Though sad, we are all here for an unknowable and brief length of time.
When my husband was in the military and would go on his six month deployments, people would be all "Oh, you're so strong, I don't know how you do it, blahblah compassionate noisescakes." The thing is, there is no choice. You put your head down and grind it out and one day you wake up and your life is back to normal.
In December 2007, they found a mass in my rectum. This is My Cancer Deployment.
33yo, primiparous, non-smoking, hypothyroid (dx 12.07), 8+ year pescatarian 1st diagnosed with rectal cancer via colonoscopy on 11.30.07. Despite very low CEA levels (1.0), dx confirmed 12.04.07 via biopsy. Tumor determined to be stage IIIb (T3/N1), 6-7cm from anal verge on 12.11.07 via world's most unpleasant ultrasound.
33 tx of chemorads (3,000mg Xeloda/d), pathology following LAR found no signs of adenoma or carcinoma AND none of the 11 nodes taken out were positive. FUCK YEAH.
Most recently, completed last of 8 treatments of FOLFOX on 8.16.08 and had ostomy reversal 9.5.08.
- 11/30: colonoscopy - 12/21: laproscopic ovary transposition - 12/26: 6 weeks/33 treatments of chemoradiation (last day 2/8) - 3/13: pre-op work-up and CTVP - 3/25: TRUS - 3/28: surgery (LAR) - 4/10: post-op appointment - 4/11: CT scan - 4/14: drain placement - 4/24: port placement - 4/24: 4+ months/8 chemo treatments: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 - 9/4: CT scan, appts with both onc and surgeon - 9/5: ostomy takedown - commence bowel retraining - port gets taken out at some point...
Once goal of normal pooping is achieved (which may be further in the distance than any of us might think), join us in Iceland or Bermuda somewhere totally kewl for my FUCK CANCER Party
2 comments:
Yes its always lurking in the background. Once diagnosed, it seems to be a little closer... Too close for comfort.
Someone way more philosophically mature than me once said that we should all live as though we are already dead, as that enhances the realness of each moment we spend on earth. I am not sure how to do that, especially with kids, but there you have it. Though sad, we are all here for an unknowable and brief length of time.
I miss many people that are now gone, too.
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